Rest in peace, Mrs Pascoe

A lifelong love of literature. That is the gift that Kay Pascoe gave so many of us who passed through her classroom door in Ysgol Gyfyn Aberaeron. She left us with much more than that too, influencing both the career paths we went on to take and more broadly, our lifelong values and attitudes to life.

‘Mrs P’ is the teacher most spoken of by my school mates, she is remembered with respect and admiration by so many …. and with adoration by quite a few of the boys! Her graduation photo clearly shows why.

Kay sadly passed away last month and the moving eulogy so beautifully read at her funeral by her beloved daughter, Lisa, follows below.

I feel so privileged to have been taught by her and more recently to have been able to call her a friend.

Rest in Peace, Kay. Our thoughts are with you, Lisa.

EULOGY - PLEASE BEHAVE YOU ARE LIKE YEAR 10 GROUP

“ill met by moonlight proud Titania”

I start this eulogy with this line as there is a story behind it.

During the last few months of my mother’s life, I asked her about her love of Shakespear and her favourite Shakespearian lines. She said that there were many she loved in all the plays, but this one was her favourite, the reason for which she did tell me. She would love it if this was set as a quiz question at the beginning of this eulogy, with answers submitted by us all at the end. She will very much enjoy reading those answers on her journey to her resting place.

Today we are here to celebrate the life of my mother, Kay Pascoe. Mam was born in Carmarthen and brought up in Pwll by her parents Stan and Edwina.  Her father died when she was nine years old then when her mother remarried, my mother was brought up by Huw Barney, a devoted stepfather to her.  From an early age she developed the love of reading, language and learning that stayed with her all her life. She went to the local girls’ grammar school and later studied English at Aberystwyth University. It was there that two important things happened. First, she deepened her love of literature that would shape her career. And second, she met Dad.

 After university Mam became an English teacher, eventually becoming Head of Department at Aberaeron Comprehensive School. Teaching wasn’t just a job for her — it was something she genuinely believed in. Over the years she taught many pupils, and one of the most touching things recently has been receiving so many lovely memories of her from ex-students, colleagues and friends.  They speak about her with enormous respect and affection. They remember her knowledge, her enthusiasm, and above all her passion for the work of William Shakespeare.  Many of the comments also include their thanks to her for helping to shape their future studies and careers and in such a supportive way. Thank you to those who have sent me your thoughts about her to me.  Mam would so touched by the wonderful comments she has received. I’m just going to read a couple to you.

“Your Mum inspired me to do Eng Lit at uni - it was such a great balance with my sport and injuries! She was very funny, took no nonsense and was passionate about her teaching. I loved arguing a different viewpoint with her - she once gave me her most reluctant A grade ever as my essay argued that Heathcliff was persecuted - and she hated him.”

“I hope the quality of mercy wasn't strained. Bloody good teacher Kay Pascoe. Even got lads (vaguely) interested in the Arts, which is some achievement.”

“My favourite teacher by far was Mrs Pascoe.  I was never her brightest student butI think she always had a  soft spot for me.  She used to send me to the canteen to get her a wispa chocolate bar at break and say to me “jump the queue and tell them Mrs Pascoe sent you”  That was her instruction!”

Shakespeare wasn’t just something mam taught — it was something she loved. Even in the last days of her life, that passion was still there. We were doing Shakespeare questions together and she was still getting the answers right, still quoting lines and speeches from memory. She knew them off by heart.

Mam believed that literature should be experienced as well as studied. She organised trips for pupils to see plays performed by the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford, giving her pupils the opportunity to see theatre brought to life. She also brought theatre into Aberaeron Comprehensive School, putting on Shakespeare productions so that pupils could experience acting. Mam loved that part of her job. Although rehearsals didn’t always go entirely smoothly — particularly when some of the boys performing in the play turned up late because they’d been playing rugby at breaktime. Mam  never quite understood how rugby could possibly compete with the Bard.

Her love of words and performance also extended beyond the classroom and theatre visits. She frequently took part in “poems and pints” evenings in Aberaeron, where she would perform poetry from a variety of poets, includingUnder Milk Wood by Dylan Thomas. She was a wonderfully entertaining reader and clearly loved sharing those words with others. She was a good performer and actress.

That enthusiasm for literature was also incorporated into family life too. When I was six years old, Mam took me to see my first Shakespeare play, The Taming of the Shrew. But she didn’t just take me along — she made sure I knew the story beforehand so I could follow it and enjoy it fully. Which I did. I also have a vague memory of her setting a quiz for me to do on the play, just to make sure I had understood it.

Of course, while mam’s knowledge of English literature was formidable, her geography wasn’t always quite as strong. At one point she asked one of her classes whether Spain was an island — something I suspect her pupils never let her forget.  

 As a mother to me, Mam was loving and supportive. As far as she was concerned, I could do and be whatever I wanted despite my condition.   She was always encouraging me — encouraging me to learn, to laugh, to be curious, and to enjoy life. And to go regularly to the theatre of course and to always try to put a literary slant on life experiences.

I remember once, when I was stranded at Bristol Parkway Station for two hours as my train had been cancelled and I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do, mam told me to write a poem about it.  She was however never happy with my hair, always wanted me to cut it short and at one point to dye it pink. She had elements of Eddi from Absolutely Fabulous in her, and my role was to play the down-to-earth daughter. We could have done the Welsh version of Absolutely Fabulous for Sianel Pedwar Cymru.  

I am sure that she will also be remembered for her organisational skills. She gave her instructions for her funeral leaflet and checked it thoroughly on many occasions before I finally sent it to the printer, while my mother was still alive. When I emailed the printer with the leaflet plans and asked him if he could prepare it for my mother, he of course sent his condolences for my loss, to which I replied “oh no she’s not dead, she just wants to make sure everything is ready for when she is. The organisation queen.

But perhaps the greatest example of Mam’s love and commitment was the care she showed for Dad when he developed dementia. Mum stood by him every step of the way. When Dad eventually needed full-time care in a home, Mum  went to visit him every week. She would sit with him, reading limericks and poetry, and singing some of their favourite songs together — songs like It’s a Long Way to Tipperary and Que Sera, Sera. Their love remained strong through everything, through the good times and the difficult ones.

 One of her many requests given to me for her funeral arrangements was to thank family, friends and colleagues for their friendship and love over the years. She always said her life was made richer through these relationships.

And in recent years, her time at Plas y Dderwen Car home provided a wonderful opportunity to form new relationships and friendships which included the day and night staff, carers, catering, cleaning and admin staff who were so kind and caring towards her and who made her latter years happy in her new environment, Thank you.

Mam formed strong relationships with the staff at the home, giving advice – and her opinions of course – on how to be a good father, advice given to young male carer who had just had a daughter with his young wife. She gave some English lessons to another carer Dawn’s son, Harry, helping him with his English which she loved doing.  

She wrote poems for the staff, did poetry readings from her bed for the Plas y Dderwen Facebook page. When told the readings would be put on Facebook she was initially mortified. But when the activities manager there, Lisa, told her how much people were enjoying her readings with lots of positive comments added and “likes” my mother was secretly very pleased and then kept asking Lisa “how many likes have I got now?” My mother taking on board the social media of modern life.

We will miss her enormously. But we are also incredibly grateful for the life she lived, the love she gave, and the memories she leaves behind. A poem she believed her father used to read to her when he put her to bed was one she frequently referred to and told me that she often said to herself before going to sleep. I am going to end this eulogy with a reading of it for her so that she will sleep really well from now on.

 Rho dy ben bach lawr I gysgu

 Rho dy ofal back I’r Iesu

 Os bydda marw cyn y bore

 Arglwydd Iesu, debyn tithe.

 Nos da mam.  Caru ti.